RESILIENCE

is all about 

being able to overcome the unexpected. 

Sustainability is about survival. 

The goal of resilience is to thrive.

- James Cascio

Let's be 

PROACTIVE

not 

REACTIVE.

- Jim Morris

COURAGE

is the discovery

that you may not win,

and

TRYING

when you know you can lose.

- Tom Krause

LIVE OR WATCH

As a coach, I’m an observer of life. And recently I’ve observed two types of people, people who live and people who watch. “Livers” live. “Watchers” view other people living through television, movies, books or just standing on the sidelines. 

The first time I thought of this distinction I was observing this group of kids playing some kind of ball kicking game and I noticed that some of the kids were actively engaged in their play while others stood by and watched. I felt for the kids on the sidelines. They seemed to be missing out on all the fun. Then I started noticing this distinction in all sorts of areas. While one family rides bicycles after dinner, their neighbor stays home and watches television. While one young woman steps up to sing karaoke, her friend sits at the table watching. While some people race cars, jump out of airplanes, run marathons, learn to dance and just plain get involved, others are content to watch their friends do these things or watch actors or characters in a book do them while they sit on the sidelines. 

People who truly live have so many adventures, so many memories of great times and achievements that their lives could be made into books or movies. People who watch live smaller lives with little that stands out from one day to the next. So why would one choose to be a “watcher”? What is the difference between these two groups? Is it Courage? Determination? Proactivity? Purpose? I believe it’s a combination of all of these attributes. I also believe that anyone can develop them. 

Look at your life. Are you a “liver” or a “watcher”? Are you happy with your type? If you are currently a “watcher” and want more out of your life, good news, you can change! Make the decision that you want more out of life than just watching other people live. Decide what you want. Then make it happen. It’s as simple (and difficult) as that. If you would like someone to help you clarify your goals and to cheer you on and hold you responsible for reaching them, I’d be honored to help.

With positive 

goals, 

attitude 

and desire, 

any obstacle can be overcome.

- Robin Babb

Efforts and courage 

are not enough 

without purpose and direction.

- John F. Kennedy

The difference 

between the possible 

and the impossible 

lies in a person's 

determination.

- Tommy Lasorda

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE

When we are in transition, it’s easy to lose sight of what makes us happy. To focus on the negative aspects of our transition and forget about the good things in our lives. Big things like our health...our loved ones...our financial security and little things like the smell of coffee brewing...the happy greeting our four legged friends give us when we walk in the door...ice cream. (OK, the ice cream may just be my happy place, but you get the idea.) 

A good example of this is a client who was moving because of her husband’s job. She was having a tough time adjusting to the fact that she was leaving her home, her friends and the life she had built in her present location. She understood all the logical reasons they had to move and it was a great opportunity for her husband. But that didn’t help her emotionally. She talked about every aspect of her life that was going to be disrupted - doctors, schools, friends, and had very clear, vivid pictures in her mind of the chaos it would cause. But she never looked at two very important aspects of this move (or of any transition).

1. What positive things are going to remain stable in your life? 
2. What possible positive outcomes can there be from this transition? 

In the course of our sessions I asked her to make a list of everything that was going to stay the same in her life. At first she couldn’t think of anything, but as we worked through it she realized that all the important things, husband, kids, financial security, health, and even the little things like the ice cream and the coffee brewing will all be the same in her new location. 

Then we worked on the possible positive outcomes. In a very short time she had a long list. After exploring her new town on line she discovered that there was a charter school that would be perfect for their daughter who had a gift for math. Because their new town was bigger, they would have the opportunity to take advantage of many more cultural events. And the list went on. And she got excited about the possibilities that awaited her and her family. Her move will still be challenging, but by changing her mindset from dwelling on the negative aspects of the transition to the positive aspects, from looking back to looking forward, she made a conscious choice for happiness. 

Try it with your transition, and if you are having trouble, give me a call. I’d be happy to help!

Anyone can give up, 

it's the easiest thing in the world to do. 

But to hold it together 

when everyone else would understand 

if you fell apart, 

that's true strength.

If you wait to do everything 

until you're sure it's right, 

you'll probably never do much of anything.

- Win Borden

The key to change...

LET GO OF FEAR.

- Rosanne Cash

GET ON YOUR OWN SIDE

There is an inner conflict in my head. My logical, determined, focused side wars with my lazy, comfort-seeking side. Sometimes the lazy side wins...well, to be honest it wins a lot...but it never makes me feel good when it does. 

Here’s an example of what happens. My logical side says I need to exercise. My lazy side comes up with ten reasons why I can’t do it right then. And they are all good reasons because my brain thought them up. So my logical side backs off and I don’t exercise. But here’s what I discovered. The logical side isn’t me, the lazy side isn’t me, I am the person in the middle, and I control both of those aspects of my personality. I know that sounds a little “duh”, but looking at it that way mades you realize that you are in charge of your life. The trick is not to let the lazy, arrogant, fearful, or whatever aspect of your personality that is holding you back, override the whole of you.

I call it “getting on my own side”. It means kicking out the noises in your head that lead you away from meeting your goals. So, using my exercise example: I look at my goal (to lose five pounds and increase my muscle strength and flexibility) and I look at the things I must do to achieve that goal, (good nutrition, cardio, strength training and yoga). Then anything that gets in the way of that gets banished. When I’m on my own side, my logical side and I are in complete harmony. The lazy side doesn’t have a chance because I stop giving it power.

You may have already experienced this. Have you ever tried and tried to reach a goal without success and then suddenly the planets aligned and you sailed smoothly toward your goal? If so, you probably “got on your own side”. It’s a subtle shift in thinking, but it’s very powerful. If you need help finding that shift, give me a call, I’d love to help.

A strong 

positive mental attitude 

will create more miracles 

than any wonder drug.

Wisdom 

is knowing what to do next, 

Skill 

is knowing how to do it, 

and 

Virtue 

is doing it.

I found a book entitled 

"How To Be Amazing At Anything". 

It had only a single page inside 

and it was just one word long: 

PRACTICE.

ARE YOU RESILIENT?

In my experience as a transition coach I have discovered that resilience is a key factor in successfully navigating change. Especially negative change, like the loss of a job or a divorce. 

The dictionary defines resilience as:

1. the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
2. the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.

Are you resilient? I think you are. I think we all are. It’s just a matter of developing the right attitude. It’s not easy. It takes guts to “pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start over again”. It takes fortitude not to give up when it gets hard. It takes courage and self confidence not to let the thing that precipitated your change paralyze you into not moving forward. But it’s worth it. 

An acquaintance of mine made a mistake, a big one that cost her company money, and she lost her job. She was devastated. She came to me in fear and in failure, seeking help in her time of crisis. The first thing we did is analyze the situation. It turned out that the error wasn’t hers directly, but was made by one of her employees. Being new to management, she had difficulty not feeling as if she had been wronged. But upon further analysis she realized that although it wasn’t her error, it was her responsibility. She was responsible for the work of her employees and her real error was not being a diligent supervisor. We also worked on her reluctance to try to find a new job. It was difficult for her to put herself out there again after her perceived failure. 

Armed with her new self awareness and courage, she studied effective management techniques while she searched for a new job. She used all her resources, networking and building relationships instead of hiding out in shame because of her failure. Within a few months she had a new job, a better understanding of the skills needed to manage employees and the confidence of knowing that she overcame her failure and was stronger, smarter and more confident because of it.

So you failed or you had a bad break. Everybody does. How many times did Edison fail before he successfully invented the lightbulb? The trick is to learn from your failures and move on. Don’t beat yourself up, don’t be afraid to try again, just analyze what went wrong. Think about how you would change the situation if you could relive it with the knowledge you now have. Then, just like a research scientist, make the adjustments and start confidently on a new path.

Failure 

is only the opportunity 

to begin again, 

only this time 

more wisely.

Dream Big. 

Start small 

but most of all  

START.

BE BRAVE. 

Even if you're not, pretend to be.

No one can tell the difference.

DON'T SETTLE FOR MEDIOCRACY

A client came to me after being downsized from his retail sales job. He was feverishly looking for another retail sales job to replace the one he lost. Although he really didn’t like retail sales he wouldn’t even consider an alternative option. He just wanted to get a job, fast, and that seemed to him to be the most direct route. We made a deal that he would continue to look for a retail sales position but we would work on finding out why he didn’t like his job and what his ideal job would look like. After exploring what he liked and didn’t like about his job he discovered that he loved sales. He didn’t love being stuck in a mall all day, didn’t like the hours and didn’t like being micromanaged. Ideally he wanted the freedom to set and manage his own schedule. So, then it was simply a matter of matching the things he loved about sales to a possible job field. He broadened his search to include outside sales and he found his ideal job. He is now a happy (and very successful) road warrior. 

Because he explored what he really wanted and went for that rather than just jumping into the same “comfortable unhappiness”  he discovered a new and far superior way to spend his work life.

When facing a transition, you may feel some anxiety. A million unanswered and many unformed questions fill your head. And like my client, you may search for normalcy in the chaos; trying to recreate the past to achieve that normalcy. But recreating that normalcy may not be in your best interest. This is a great time to take stock of your life. 

“No,” you say, “not one more thing to deal with at this confusing time!” But I disagree. I think it’s the perfect time. Instead of jumping from one comfortable but less than perfect situation to another without thinking of the bigger picture, why not take the time to figure out what you really want. You are going to have to deal with an unsettled time anyway, why not use that time to create a roadmap that will give you a better life longterm. 

If you are facing a transition, this may be the perfect time to work with a transition coach. (OK this is a shameless plug for my coaching practice, but it’s for a good cause...your happiness!) I can assist you through the uncertainty, helping you to define new goals and implement them - to create your new and improved future. Give me a call!