COURAGE

is the discovery

that you may not win,

and

TRYING

when you know you can lose.

- Tom Krause

LIVE OR WATCH

As a coach, I’m an observer of life. And recently I’ve observed two types of people, people who live and people who watch. “Livers” live. “Watchers” view other people living through television, movies, books or just standing on the sidelines. 

The first time I thought of this distinction I was observing this group of kids playing some kind of ball kicking game and I noticed that some of the kids were actively engaged in their play while others stood by and watched. I felt for the kids on the sidelines. They seemed to be missing out on all the fun. Then I started noticing this distinction in all sorts of areas. While one family rides bicycles after dinner, their neighbor stays home and watches television. While one young woman steps up to sing karaoke, her friend sits at the table watching. While some people race cars, jump out of airplanes, run marathons, learn to dance and just plain get involved, others are content to watch their friends do these things or watch actors or characters in a book do them while they sit on the sidelines. 

People who truly live have so many adventures, so many memories of great times and achievements that their lives could be made into books or movies. People who watch live smaller lives with little that stands out from one day to the next. So why would one choose to be a “watcher”? What is the difference between these two groups? Is it Courage? Determination? Proactivity? Purpose? I believe it’s a combination of all of these attributes. I also believe that anyone can develop them. 

Look at your life. Are you a “liver” or a “watcher”? Are you happy with your type? If you are currently a “watcher” and want more out of your life, good news, you can change! Make the decision that you want more out of life than just watching other people live. Decide what you want. Then make it happen. It’s as simple (and difficult) as that. If you would like someone to help you clarify your goals and to cheer you on and hold you responsible for reaching them, I’d be honored to help.

With positive 

goals, 

attitude 

and desire, 

any obstacle can be overcome.

- Robin Babb

Efforts and courage 

are not enough 

without purpose and direction.

- John F. Kennedy

The difference 

between the possible 

and the impossible 

lies in a person's 

determination.

- Tommy Lasorda

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE

When we are in transition, it’s easy to lose sight of what makes us happy. To focus on the negative aspects of our transition and forget about the good things in our lives. Big things like our health...our loved ones...our financial security and little things like the smell of coffee brewing...the happy greeting our four legged friends give us when we walk in the door...ice cream. (OK, the ice cream may just be my happy place, but you get the idea.) 

A good example of this is a client who was moving because of her husband’s job. She was having a tough time adjusting to the fact that she was leaving her home, her friends and the life she had built in her present location. She understood all the logical reasons they had to move and it was a great opportunity for her husband. But that didn’t help her emotionally. She talked about every aspect of her life that was going to be disrupted - doctors, schools, friends, and had very clear, vivid pictures in her mind of the chaos it would cause. But she never looked at two very important aspects of this move (or of any transition).

1. What positive things are going to remain stable in your life? 
2. What possible positive outcomes can there be from this transition? 

In the course of our sessions I asked her to make a list of everything that was going to stay the same in her life. At first she couldn’t think of anything, but as we worked through it she realized that all the important things, husband, kids, financial security, health, and even the little things like the ice cream and the coffee brewing will all be the same in her new location. 

Then we worked on the possible positive outcomes. In a very short time she had a long list. After exploring her new town on line she discovered that there was a charter school that would be perfect for their daughter who had a gift for math. Because their new town was bigger, they would have the opportunity to take advantage of many more cultural events. And the list went on. And she got excited about the possibilities that awaited her and her family. Her move will still be challenging, but by changing her mindset from dwelling on the negative aspects of the transition to the positive aspects, from looking back to looking forward, she made a conscious choice for happiness. 

Try it with your transition, and if you are having trouble, give me a call. I’d be happy to help!

Anyone can give up, 

it's the easiest thing in the world to do. 

But to hold it together 

when everyone else would understand 

if you fell apart, 

that's true strength.