FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE

When we are in transition, it’s easy to lose sight of what makes us happy. To focus on the negative aspects of our transition and forget about the good things in our lives. Big things like our health...our loved ones...our financial security and little things like the smell of coffee brewing...the happy greeting our four legged friends give us when we walk in the door...ice cream. (OK, the ice cream may just be my happy place, but you get the idea.) 

A good example of this is a client who was moving because of her husband’s job. She was having a tough time adjusting to the fact that she was leaving her home, her friends and the life she had built in her present location. She understood all the logical reasons they had to move and it was a great opportunity for her husband. But that didn’t help her emotionally. She talked about every aspect of her life that was going to be disrupted - doctors, schools, friends, and had very clear, vivid pictures in her mind of the chaos it would cause. But she never looked at two very important aspects of this move (or of any transition).

1. What positive things are going to remain stable in your life? 
2. What possible positive outcomes can there be from this transition? 

In the course of our sessions I asked her to make a list of everything that was going to stay the same in her life. At first she couldn’t think of anything, but as we worked through it she realized that all the important things, husband, kids, financial security, health, and even the little things like the ice cream and the coffee brewing will all be the same in her new location. 

Then we worked on the possible positive outcomes. In a very short time she had a long list. After exploring her new town on line she discovered that there was a charter school that would be perfect for their daughter who had a gift for math. Because their new town was bigger, they would have the opportunity to take advantage of many more cultural events. And the list went on. And she got excited about the possibilities that awaited her and her family. Her move will still be challenging, but by changing her mindset from dwelling on the negative aspects of the transition to the positive aspects, from looking back to looking forward, she made a conscious choice for happiness. 

Try it with your transition, and if you are having trouble, give me a call. I’d be happy to help!

Anyone can give up, 

it's the easiest thing in the world to do. 

But to hold it together 

when everyone else would understand 

if you fell apart, 

that's true strength.

If you wait to do everything 

until you're sure it's right, 

you'll probably never do much of anything.

- Win Borden

The key to change...

LET GO OF FEAR.

- Rosanne Cash

GET ON YOUR OWN SIDE

There is an inner conflict in my head. My logical, determined, focused side wars with my lazy, comfort-seeking side. Sometimes the lazy side wins...well, to be honest it wins a lot...but it never makes me feel good when it does. 

Here’s an example of what happens. My logical side says I need to exercise. My lazy side comes up with ten reasons why I can’t do it right then. And they are all good reasons because my brain thought them up. So my logical side backs off and I don’t exercise. But here’s what I discovered. The logical side isn’t me, the lazy side isn’t me, I am the person in the middle, and I control both of those aspects of my personality. I know that sounds a little “duh”, but looking at it that way mades you realize that you are in charge of your life. The trick is not to let the lazy, arrogant, fearful, or whatever aspect of your personality that is holding you back, override the whole of you.

I call it “getting on my own side”. It means kicking out the noises in your head that lead you away from meeting your goals. So, using my exercise example: I look at my goal (to lose five pounds and increase my muscle strength and flexibility) and I look at the things I must do to achieve that goal, (good nutrition, cardio, strength training and yoga). Then anything that gets in the way of that gets banished. When I’m on my own side, my logical side and I are in complete harmony. The lazy side doesn’t have a chance because I stop giving it power.

You may have already experienced this. Have you ever tried and tried to reach a goal without success and then suddenly the planets aligned and you sailed smoothly toward your goal? If so, you probably “got on your own side”. It’s a subtle shift in thinking, but it’s very powerful. If you need help finding that shift, give me a call, I’d love to help.

A strong 

positive mental attitude 

will create more miracles 

than any wonder drug.

Wisdom 

is knowing what to do next, 

Skill 

is knowing how to do it, 

and 

Virtue 

is doing it.