RESILIENCE

is all about 

being able to overcome the unexpected. 

Sustainability is about survival. 

The goal of resilience is to thrive.

- James Cascio

Let's be 

PROACTIVE

not 

REACTIVE.

- Jim Morris

COURAGE

is the discovery

that you may not win,

and

TRYING

when you know you can lose.

- Tom Krause

LIVE OR WATCH

As a coach, I’m an observer of life. And recently I’ve observed two types of people, people who live and people who watch. “Livers” live. “Watchers” view other people living through television, movies, books or just standing on the sidelines. 

The first time I thought of this distinction I was observing this group of kids playing some kind of ball kicking game and I noticed that some of the kids were actively engaged in their play while others stood by and watched. I felt for the kids on the sidelines. They seemed to be missing out on all the fun. Then I started noticing this distinction in all sorts of areas. While one family rides bicycles after dinner, their neighbor stays home and watches television. While one young woman steps up to sing karaoke, her friend sits at the table watching. While some people race cars, jump out of airplanes, run marathons, learn to dance and just plain get involved, others are content to watch their friends do these things or watch actors or characters in a book do them while they sit on the sidelines. 

People who truly live have so many adventures, so many memories of great times and achievements that their lives could be made into books or movies. People who watch live smaller lives with little that stands out from one day to the next. So why would one choose to be a “watcher”? What is the difference between these two groups? Is it Courage? Determination? Proactivity? Purpose? I believe it’s a combination of all of these attributes. I also believe that anyone can develop them. 

Look at your life. Are you a “liver” or a “watcher”? Are you happy with your type? If you are currently a “watcher” and want more out of your life, good news, you can change! Make the decision that you want more out of life than just watching other people live. Decide what you want. Then make it happen. It’s as simple (and difficult) as that. If you would like someone to help you clarify your goals and to cheer you on and hold you responsible for reaching them, I’d be honored to help.

With positive 

goals, 

attitude 

and desire, 

any obstacle can be overcome.

- Robin Babb

Efforts and courage 

are not enough 

without purpose and direction.

- John F. Kennedy

The difference 

between the possible 

and the impossible 

lies in a person's 

determination.

- Tommy Lasorda

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE

When we are in transition, it’s easy to lose sight of what makes us happy. To focus on the negative aspects of our transition and forget about the good things in our lives. Big things like our health...our loved ones...our financial security and little things like the smell of coffee brewing...the happy greeting our four legged friends give us when we walk in the door...ice cream. (OK, the ice cream may just be my happy place, but you get the idea.) 

A good example of this is a client who was moving because of her husband’s job. She was having a tough time adjusting to the fact that she was leaving her home, her friends and the life she had built in her present location. She understood all the logical reasons they had to move and it was a great opportunity for her husband. But that didn’t help her emotionally. She talked about every aspect of her life that was going to be disrupted - doctors, schools, friends, and had very clear, vivid pictures in her mind of the chaos it would cause. But she never looked at two very important aspects of this move (or of any transition).

1. What positive things are going to remain stable in your life? 
2. What possible positive outcomes can there be from this transition? 

In the course of our sessions I asked her to make a list of everything that was going to stay the same in her life. At first she couldn’t think of anything, but as we worked through it she realized that all the important things, husband, kids, financial security, health, and even the little things like the ice cream and the coffee brewing will all be the same in her new location. 

Then we worked on the possible positive outcomes. In a very short time she had a long list. After exploring her new town on line she discovered that there was a charter school that would be perfect for their daughter who had a gift for math. Because their new town was bigger, they would have the opportunity to take advantage of many more cultural events. And the list went on. And she got excited about the possibilities that awaited her and her family. Her move will still be challenging, but by changing her mindset from dwelling on the negative aspects of the transition to the positive aspects, from looking back to looking forward, she made a conscious choice for happiness. 

Try it with your transition, and if you are having trouble, give me a call. I’d be happy to help!

Anyone can give up, 

it's the easiest thing in the world to do. 

But to hold it together 

when everyone else would understand 

if you fell apart, 

that's true strength.

If you wait to do everything 

until you're sure it's right, 

you'll probably never do much of anything.

- Win Borden

The key to change...

LET GO OF FEAR.

- Rosanne Cash

GET ON YOUR OWN SIDE

There is an inner conflict in my head. My logical, determined, focused side wars with my lazy, comfort-seeking side. Sometimes the lazy side wins...well, to be honest it wins a lot...but it never makes me feel good when it does. 

Here’s an example of what happens. My logical side says I need to exercise. My lazy side comes up with ten reasons why I can’t do it right then. And they are all good reasons because my brain thought them up. So my logical side backs off and I don’t exercise. But here’s what I discovered. The logical side isn’t me, the lazy side isn’t me, I am the person in the middle, and I control both of those aspects of my personality. I know that sounds a little “duh”, but looking at it that way mades you realize that you are in charge of your life. The trick is not to let the lazy, arrogant, fearful, or whatever aspect of your personality that is holding you back, override the whole of you.

I call it “getting on my own side”. It means kicking out the noises in your head that lead you away from meeting your goals. So, using my exercise example: I look at my goal (to lose five pounds and increase my muscle strength and flexibility) and I look at the things I must do to achieve that goal, (good nutrition, cardio, strength training and yoga). Then anything that gets in the way of that gets banished. When I’m on my own side, my logical side and I are in complete harmony. The lazy side doesn’t have a chance because I stop giving it power.

You may have already experienced this. Have you ever tried and tried to reach a goal without success and then suddenly the planets aligned and you sailed smoothly toward your goal? If so, you probably “got on your own side”. It’s a subtle shift in thinking, but it’s very powerful. If you need help finding that shift, give me a call, I’d love to help.

A strong 

positive mental attitude 

will create more miracles 

than any wonder drug.

Wisdom 

is knowing what to do next, 

Skill 

is knowing how to do it, 

and 

Virtue 

is doing it.

I found a book entitled 

"How To Be Amazing At Anything". 

It had only a single page inside 

and it was just one word long: 

PRACTICE.

ARE YOU RESILIENT?

In my experience as a transition coach I have discovered that resilience is a key factor in successfully navigating change. Especially negative change, like the loss of a job or a divorce. 

The dictionary defines resilience as:

1. the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
2. the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.

Are you resilient? I think you are. I think we all are. It’s just a matter of developing the right attitude. It’s not easy. It takes guts to “pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start over again”. It takes fortitude not to give up when it gets hard. It takes courage and self confidence not to let the thing that precipitated your change paralyze you into not moving forward. But it’s worth it. 

An acquaintance of mine made a mistake, a big one that cost her company money, and she lost her job. She was devastated. She came to me in fear and in failure, seeking help in her time of crisis. The first thing we did is analyze the situation. It turned out that the error wasn’t hers directly, but was made by one of her employees. Being new to management, she had difficulty not feeling as if she had been wronged. But upon further analysis she realized that although it wasn’t her error, it was her responsibility. She was responsible for the work of her employees and her real error was not being a diligent supervisor. We also worked on her reluctance to try to find a new job. It was difficult for her to put herself out there again after her perceived failure. 

Armed with her new self awareness and courage, she studied effective management techniques while she searched for a new job. She used all her resources, networking and building relationships instead of hiding out in shame because of her failure. Within a few months she had a new job, a better understanding of the skills needed to manage employees and the confidence of knowing that she overcame her failure and was stronger, smarter and more confident because of it.

So you failed or you had a bad break. Everybody does. How many times did Edison fail before he successfully invented the lightbulb? The trick is to learn from your failures and move on. Don’t beat yourself up, don’t be afraid to try again, just analyze what went wrong. Think about how you would change the situation if you could relive it with the knowledge you now have. Then, just like a research scientist, make the adjustments and start confidently on a new path.

Failure 

is only the opportunity 

to begin again, 

only this time 

more wisely.

Dream Big. 

Start small 

but most of all  

START.

BE BRAVE. 

Even if you're not, pretend to be.

No one can tell the difference.

DON'T SETTLE FOR MEDIOCRACY

A client came to me after being downsized from his retail sales job. He was feverishly looking for another retail sales job to replace the one he lost. Although he really didn’t like retail sales he wouldn’t even consider an alternative option. He just wanted to get a job, fast, and that seemed to him to be the most direct route. We made a deal that he would continue to look for a retail sales position but we would work on finding out why he didn’t like his job and what his ideal job would look like. After exploring what he liked and didn’t like about his job he discovered that he loved sales. He didn’t love being stuck in a mall all day, didn’t like the hours and didn’t like being micromanaged. Ideally he wanted the freedom to set and manage his own schedule. So, then it was simply a matter of matching the things he loved about sales to a possible job field. He broadened his search to include outside sales and he found his ideal job. He is now a happy (and very successful) road warrior. 

Because he explored what he really wanted and went for that rather than just jumping into the same “comfortable unhappiness”  he discovered a new and far superior way to spend his work life.

When facing a transition, you may feel some anxiety. A million unanswered and many unformed questions fill your head. And like my client, you may search for normalcy in the chaos; trying to recreate the past to achieve that normalcy. But recreating that normalcy may not be in your best interest. This is a great time to take stock of your life. 

“No,” you say, “not one more thing to deal with at this confusing time!” But I disagree. I think it’s the perfect time. Instead of jumping from one comfortable but less than perfect situation to another without thinking of the bigger picture, why not take the time to figure out what you really want. You are going to have to deal with an unsettled time anyway, why not use that time to create a roadmap that will give you a better life longterm. 

If you are facing a transition, this may be the perfect time to work with a transition coach. (OK this is a shameless plug for my coaching practice, but it’s for a good cause...your happiness!) I can assist you through the uncertainty, helping you to define new goals and implement them - to create your new and improved future. Give me a call!

Positive thinking 

evokes 

more energy 

more initiative 

more happiness!

You 

are responsible 

for the talent 

that has been entrusted to you.

Continuous effort, 

not strength 

or intelligence, 

is the key 

to unlocking our potential.

Winston Churchill

YOUR BEST vs. THE BEST

Do you ever compare yourself to others and then beat yourself up wishing that you were more like them? “I wish I had abs like Jane” or “I wish I was as quick on my feet in the board room as Ben” or “I wish I could play tennis like Tony” or “I wish I was as good with my kids as Kristin”.  

When you compare yourself to someone else you will NEVER be good enough. Let’s say you practice day and night and get better at tennis than Tony. Does that satisfy you? No, because then you up your “wish” to the next level. Even Anna Kornakova, whose whole life revolved around tennis to the exclusion of all else wasn’t always “the best” and won’t continue to be “the best” as the next super-athlete tops her talent and her records.

We are all unique individuals. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, our own priorities. So thinking that we can be “the best” at everything we value isn’t realistic. It  sets us up for disappointment and low self esteem. We will never measure up if we compare ourselves to the “best” in all the categories in which we judge ourselves. Steve has the best sense of humor, Tracy has the best nose, James is the best artist. What we are telling ourselves is that in order to feel good about ourself we need to have the best individual qualities of every person.  In other words, we have to be perfect. 

Nobody is perfect, not even James, the best artist. When we look at the whole person, not just the attribute we covet, we will see that he lacks other gifts. Maybe even a crooked nose or no sense of humor.

So what is the answer? Stop striving? No, just change one word. Stop trying to be “the best” and start trying to be ”your best”. Stop comparing yourself to others. If you want to be a great artist or you want great abs or you want to excel at tennis, work hard. Judge your work against your past work...judge it on it’s own merit...judge your effort. Did you do the best you could do? Doing “your best” in everything you value leads to pride of accomplishment and high self esteem.

Next time you are tempted to compare your talents or attributes with someone else's, remember this. Trying to be “the best” sets you up for disappointment and low self esteem. Doing “your best” leads to pride of accomplishment and high self esteem. To me it’s a pretty clear choice.

I truly believe in Albert Einstein's statement that 

"Anyone who has never made a mistake

 has never tried anything new."

Whatever you're facing today, 

Keep going. 

Keep moving.

Keep hoping.

Keep pressing on.

There is victory on the other side.

Mandy Hale

Fortune Favors The Brave. 

Aida

IT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU...

...IT'S HOW YOU HANDLE IT

Stuff happens. Good stuff and bad stuff. It’s unavoidable. And when the bad stuff happens it’s hard not to feel sorry for yourself and have a little “pity party”. But after the “party” is over, what do you do? I believe that’s when you really find out what you’re made of. 

A friend of mine lost her husband very young. It was a tragedy. But her courage and positive attitude was amazing. She accepted every social invitation she received, she volunteered for several worthwhile charities, and she lived life to the fullest. One day when I asked her how she stayed so positive and cheerful in the face of such a devastating blow, she confided in me that she gives herself some time every morning to grieve when she first wakes up, then she dries her tears and gets on with her day.

Compare that to another acquaintance with a similar tragedy who never got on with her life. She spent years basking in her misery. She retold the sadness of her life to everyone who would listen and she found less and less people willing to listen to her as time went on. Today she is a sad, lonely woman who lives in the past.

The exact same thing happened to both women, but their futures were 180 degrees different. One found a way to deal with her grief and find happiness and fulfillment again, the other chose not to move past her tragedy. They both had the choice to make and their choices dictated their futures.

We all have the same choice to make every day when the bad stuff happens. For example: you don’t get the promotion you were hoping for. You can act out your frustration, becoming less effective and less personable at the office (making you even more likely to be passed over for another promotion) or you can look at the reasons you might not have been chosen and work toward making yourself more valuable so when the next opportunity comes along you will be ready.

Even with small things. Say someone cuts you off in traffic on your way to work. You can get mad, honk your horn, pound on the steering wheel and let that frustration simmer so that you get to work, snap at your coworkers and have a miserable day. Or you can blow it off. Either way, you got cut off, but in the first example you let it affect your whole day (and possibly your health). In the second, you have only a moment of frustration and then your day goes back to being pleasant.

I know, easier said than done. But when you look unemotionally at the issue and the outcome you want, doesn’t it make sense to make the choice that leads to happiness? 

To attract positive things in your life, 

start by giving off positive energy.

Reality 

is a product of our 

dreams 

decisions 

and actions

Commitment 

means staying loyal 

to what you said you were going to do 

long after the mood you said it in has left you.

IF YOU DON'T TRY, YOU CAN'T FAIL...

...but you can’t succeed either!

“It’s much safer to stay right where I am. It’s comfortable. It’s known. It’s easy.  Stepping out onto that ledge is scary; and there are no guarantees that I will succeed. In fact, I may fail miserably and humiliate myself, proving that I am indeed stupid (a failure, a fraud, a no-talent bum, a “fill-in-the-blank” insulting name of your choice).”

Do you sometimes talk to yourself like that? If so, you’re not alone. It is a recurring theme with many of my clients. It is hard - and scary - to get out of your comfort zone and try something new. And there is no guarantee that you will succeed. But here’s the thing...if you don’t try, you absolutely can’t succeed. 

I have a client who hated his job but was afraid to look for a better one. He would complain and bemoan his fate, but wouldn’t take the steps necessary to change his circumstance because he was afraid that the unknown might be worse than the known.   “Maybe the new boss will be worse than the old one...maybe they will be even more demanding...maybe I won’t be able to keep up...maybe they will fire me...maybe I won’t be able to find another job...maybe my wife will divorce me and take my kids away...maybe I will end up homeless.” His self-talk spiraled down to unbelievably far- fetched fates and was so negative that it sabotaged his confidence and ability to move forward. 

But with a little work, instead of seeing the worst possible outcome, he reframed his thinking to see the best possible outcome. It went something like this: “I am smart and capable. I would bring valuable knowledge and a great work ethic to any company I joined. I look forward to having a boss who appreciates my hard work. I may even get a promotion. My wife and kids would be so proud of me...maybe we could finally get that dream house we have always wanted.”

See the difference? Instead of coming from a place of fear, my client came from a place of confidence and optimism. Of course that is not a guarantee of success, but it certainly stacks the deck more favorably. So next time you want to stay in your comfort zone because of fear of failure, don’t. Reframe your negative thoughts and give it your best shot. And when you do, whether you succeed or fail, you will absolutely grow as a person.

It is your reaction to adversity, 

not the adversity itself

that determines

how your life's story will develop.

- Dieter Uchtdorf

Don't wait for the 

perfect moment, 

TAKE THE MOMENT

AND MAKE IT PERFECT!

Confidence comes

not from always being right, 

but not fearing 

to be wrong.

READY, AIM...AIM...AIM

Does this sound like you? I just need to polish my resume one more time and do some more research before I apply for that job...or...I just need to compare a few more web sites and visit a few more paint stores before I make a decision about painting the kitchen.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating being unprepared. What I’m talking about is analysis paralysis. Finding excuses not to take action because of fear of failure.

I am working with an amazing guy. Smart, creative, personable. He wanted to apply for his dream job. He researched the company at length. We worked on his resume and cover letter, analyzing each word and semi-colon, comparing each nuance of the job description with his skill sets. Finally, he knew more about the company than the CEO and his resume and cover letter were letter perfect and ready to send. But did he send it? No, this amazing, smart, creative, personable guy spent a full hour coming up with reasons that the company could find fault with him and why he needed to do more research before sending his resume.

We all want to succeed, but some of us confuse success with perfection and that stops us in our tracks. Instead of looking for ways to move forward, we look for ways to backtrack. Our minds conjure up all sorts of scenarios in which we might fail. We believe that with “just a little more preparation”, “just a little more research” (read: “just a little more stalling”) we can take away all the risk of failure. But in truth, there is no perfect plan. So what is the answer? It’s as simple (and difficult) as this...fire.

I think Lee Iacocca said it best. “So what do we do? Anything. Something. So long as we just don’t sit there. If we screw up, start over. Try something else. If we wait until we’ve satisfied all the uncertainties, it may be too late.” 

So back to the amazing guy - after facing the fact that he was looking for certainty in an uncertain situation and that not sending his resume was the best and fastest way to failure, he sent it...and he got the job.

So next time you are struggling with analysis paralysis, remember:

READY...figure out what you want

AIM...do your due diligence 

and then don’t be afraid to...FIRE! 

In this life 

we are all just walking up the mountain 

and 

we can sing as we climb 

or we can complain about our sore feet. 

Whichever we choose 

we still gotta do the hike.

I decided a long time ago 

singing made a lot more sense.

The only person 

you are destined to become 

is the person you decide to be.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

When feeling overwhelmed 

by a faraway goal,

repeat the following:

I have it within me right now,

to get me to where I want to be later.

notsalmon.com

TAKE ONE STEP

“If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep on getting what you’ve always got.” - W. L. Bateman 

This has always been one of my favorite quotes. Along with... 

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”

 - Albert Einstein

And yet, we all do it. Wish for that last ten pounds to to go away but don’t change our eating habits or exercise routine. Long for an exciting new job, but don’t take the classes. Expect excitement in our relationships and yet sit in front of the television every night.

What do you want? Really, truly want? Can you define it? (And I don’t mean a generalized “I want to lose weight” definition. I mean a “I want to lose ten pounds by swimsuit season” definition.) If so, you are half way there. Once you have defined your goal you start thinking about it in a different way. You start thinking of ways to achieve it and visualizing your life after you have achieved it. This part is fun and energizing, but then it’s time to take action and it becomes not-so-fun. This is where all your doubts kick in and tell you not to try because you are just going to fail anyway. 

Here’s my suggestion...take one step. Put your running shoes on. Don’t think of the whole journey toward reaching your goal, think only of the next, best step toward reaching it. 

A client was recently told she couldn’t walk on her treadmill because of an injury and should consider another form of exercise. She freely admits that she’s not an athlete and any form of exercise other than walking is definitely out of her comfort zone! Her doctor recommended an elliptical trainer, as it would be a better cardio workout and would jumpstart her metabolism and overall fitness. Since those are her fitness goals, she decided to try it. She limped off after three minutes, fingers on her cell phone ready to dial 911. But instead of giving up, she tried again and did five minutes, then six. I’m proud to say she is now doing 40 minutes and it’s only been a few weeks. (and she’s lost three pounds, whoo hoo!)

If she had thought about staying on that elliptical trainer for 40 minutes she would never have gotten back on it after the first day. But taking one step at a time, reaching small incremental goals made it possible to reach her goal...and you can too. No matter what your goal, just take that first step.